Little Baby Bear

In hopes that by being vulnerable will give our birth family a glimpse into who I am, I will make my first post very near and dear to my heart.

I grew up very close to my mom. She was the whole world to me; she was my teacher, girl scout leader, coach, cheerleader, and so much more. Once I was a teenager, we were inseparable and I have called her my best friend ever since. I have always known that one day, my daughter and I will be just the same.

Landon and I are blessed with two incredible boys and I wouldn't trade them for the world. However, we have struggled to carry successfully our baby number 3. We both grew up surrounded by adoption and are excited to, hopefully very soon, be growing our family in this way. And, to finally meet my to-be best friend. I am so excited that I can hardly wait and I honestly feel like I already know her spirit. I miss her and we haven't even met yet.

Each of us: Landon, Ezra, Noah, and myself all have "spirit" animals. Ezra got his first. Just before he was born, I sketched a little elephant holding a heart balloon. After I finished, although this may sound funny, I cried. It represented him to me. Landon and I assigned one another our spirit animals after some research and Noah got his very similarly to Ezra. Over the past year as I have spent so much time praying for our little girl, I have felt closer to her, almost gotten to know her. I came across this artist's drawing of a baby brown bear and, again, cried! It seems so silly writing in down but I have always been symbolic and I was grateful for the little piece of her that I was given in this sketch.

I know that she will be strong and brave, but I also anticipate she will love her family fiercely. Neither Landon or I grew up with the traditional sense of “family” so our kids haven’t either. Family is simply the people we let in to our hearts and our lives. I am so excited to meet her, finally, my little bear.